How To Know You Are In Love Or It’s Lust

Posted by Edward | Posted on 18-07-2013 | Comments (18)

Category : Blog Home

I met Charles and Molly at one of the coffee shops here in Mombasa recently and after greeting them, I headed to a different table to wait for the person I was to meet. As I waited for my coffee and appointment, I could not help but observe that the two were very strongly attracted to each other physically in the way they kept looking at each other, holding hands and a few other things I do not want to write about here. As I observed them, I wondered to myself, are they in love with each other or are they just lusting after each other.

I keep being asked by both single men and ladies how they can tell whether somebody loves them genuinely or is just lusting after them and I would like to give you several pointers that can help. Why is it important to do this? Well, Molly is hurting badly because after two months of dating Charles, they broke up four days ago and she feels so used and empty. Theirs was a hot relationship, they could not keep their hands off each other, they touched, fondled and went all the way. They had sex with abandon and thought they really loved each other but from my conversation with Molly, they never really had time to talk about anything thing else. They were badly lusting for each other and were never really in love, now they are hurting, feeling like second hand clothes and wondering what was wrong. Well, it was just lust and not love. Both Molly and Charles had committed themselves to only have sex after marriage but the commitment was broken and they did what they knew very well to be sin simply because they confused lust for love and thought if they give in to their lustful drive, their love would thrive. Truth is, lust never results in thriving love.

To avoid finding yourself where Molly and Charles are, where you are hurting, feeling used and disappointed in yourself, here are  five ways to tell whether it is love or lust:

1. Are you attracted to the person or just their body? If you are attracted to the person, you enjoy being with them, talking about the weather, sports, food or whatever other random topic that the two of you talk about then it looks like love. People lusting after each other get attracted to the body not the person. They like the hips or the muscles and if the person just wants to sit and talk, they find it boring and a waste of time. People who are in love enjoying going for walks together, serving in a community project, going for seminars or visiting with friends but people who are in lust like getting into the next available hiding spot to play touch and fondle.

2. Do you care for the person or you just want to feel the person? Lust has no other emotions attached to it apart from the driving force to hold the hand, kiss the lips and do other things. Lust wants to feel the warmth or even just stare at the photo marking out the physique and curves but love cares genuinely. Love causes you to thing about the person, you worry whether they are safe. If they don’t call, you wonder if they are well and if they need your help whereas lust wonders who they are with and why. Love will take action to care, protect and meet the needs of the other without thinking about their reward. For lust, covering her with your jacket on a chilly night means getting a hot sexual reward later but love will do it because you want her to be warm and healthy. ^“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-5

3. Do you look forward to communicating with the person? If you only talk when it is necessary and you can go through a day, two days or even a week without talking, then for sure, it is lust and not love. Love wants to talk, love will make you write a letter (Anybody still remember what those used to be?) yes, I have seen people write letters and send them even in this day and age. Love will send a text message, make a call during the day, many calls and emails. Hearing his voice or her giggle makes you have an enjoyable day because you realize he or she means so much more than just the physical.

4. Are you willing to sacrifice something for the person? Love gives, love considers the other person, love is kind and love sacrifices. If you cannot miss the football game to go help her out or are unwilling to give up time, cancel a commitment or even take a crazy bus ride to go see the person but only think about yourself, your projects and assignments, then let me say it straight, it is lust. Lust refuses to give up anything not unless their is a reward attached but love will take the night bus ride to travel long distance to go see somebody for an hour or two and then travel back again a whole night. Love will give up the game not grudgingly but willingly. The Bible tells us, “Many waters cannot quench love, nor can rivers drown it. If a man tried to buy love with all his wealth, his offer would be utterly scorned.” Song of Solomon 8:7

5. Do you dream of the person in your bed or in your future? If you only think of the person being close, being in your bed and such other thoughts without thinking of them in your future, then you do not need to think a lot, that may not be love but lust. Love begins to see the person in your future, taking a road trip, going on picnic, planning for retirement and other such things. Lust may pretend to speak about such things but as Molly shared with me, when they would meet with Charles, the future would diminish in importance and the fire of the present would become the focus.

Lust does not build up, it destroys. It has no dreams, no future and only leaves a trail of broken and damaged hearts and lives. If it is lust, walk away before your heart is hurt but if it is love, begin to cultivate it by caring, encouraging and building each other up in to be the best that you can be.

Are there other pointers of telling when it is love or lust?  would love to hear from you. Use the comment section below and let us share with each other. Remember, you might help a friend and sending them the link to this post.

Source: Edward Munene ... you inspire me

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